I Understand…

Rhea D'Souza
2 min readAug 20, 2020
(By: Rhea)

I Understand…

What does this really mean..?..Often, perhaps it’s a shorthand for..

This happened to me also

I have also felt this..

It fits my logic

It matches my worldview

I also have a similar story

It makes sense in my view of your situation you would do that

It fits the description of symptoms I have read, learnt about

You are a human being like me, by virtue of that, this is the same.

And sometimes…. I understand… is

I resign..

I give up

I am detaching

I am colluding under the guise of empathy

I am avoiding confrontation

I am abdicating responsibility

I am choosing to be inauthentic

I knew you are like this….. judgement(s)

I am not curious anymore.

I am tired of people being reduced to a psychological “phenomena” (oh it’s a text book case)

Or a therapized “understanding”. As if a bunch of labels could solve the ‘problem’ — (projection, introjection, victim, perpetrator. You get the drift. )

People are NOT templates to be filled — Or Problems to be solved — Or science experiments to be understood.

Few days ago…a building collapsed in front of our building

A newly married woman, lost her husband, to wrong timing

She was inconsolable…

….

Could I…. could anyone..really say… I Understand?

Maybe if we finally surrendered our “ego” and admitted, we could not..and actually don’t .. Understand…and admitted even to ourselves that, it felt horrible..the not knowing what to do (especially since we feel compelled to “help”, to give some answer..to fix everything. After ALL the life experiences we have had ..we ought to…)

And Give up trying to..force fit..to make ourselves feel better…(even though we think and genuinely sometimes believe we are trying to make the other feel better), since the ambiguity and helplessness made us feel acute discomfort.

Because all attempts at understanding, clearly are taking you back to Your experience..with all good intentions ofcourse!!!

And then … obviously …. You are not present !!!!

Maybe …

In our silent mutual grief, confusion, helplessness

if we surrender to the moment …

Then..by grace..maybe

Some semblance of shared understanding may arise…without words..

Hopefully healing both.

Maybe..

I am learning, sometimes the hard way, often honest Silence is way more eloquent than words uttered in fear or confusion .

~Rhea

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